Tired of Obsessing

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been taking time away from running. I’ve been dealing with feeling less than enthusiastic about running and I’ve also had some foot and hip aches since May. I decided not to push myself into hating something and quitting forever, which played into my decision to drop my marathon.

The truth is, I felt like I needed a break from a lot of things; blogging, running, weighing myself, etc. What I realized is that what I told myself was laziness was actually a need to escape obsession.

I’m not sure if it comes across in my blog, but I tend to be borderline obsessive about things. In the past few years, obsessions have included bicycle shopping, running, weight loss, calorie counting to name a few. It’s tiring to be completely honest and my time off of everything lately allowed me to “float” around and hit reset. This all caused me to feel more relaxed.

Sometimes I think going back to a psychologist would be helpful; it definitely was in the past. I’m not sure it’s normal to throw myself fully into on specific thing at a time.

But, I’ve realized some things about what makes me happy and what stresses me out.

  • I like blogging only when I feel excited or happy with my posts, even if it means losing readers or only having one reader (Love you, Nate!)
  • I’m starting to feel an inkling of wanting to run again.
  • I’ve been able to relax about my horse’s avoidance of being haltered and simply enjoy being outside in the sun with a herd of horses.
  • I’m not stressing about food, calories or water intake. I’m watching portions more closely and recording calories, but not obsessively. I’m happier, honestly, being 20 lbs. heavier but eating what I want. Oddly enough, I think Intuitive Eating might be starting to take hold.
  • It’s okay to take nights off from my volunteering; it keeps me refreshed and loving what I do.
  • Coffee really makes my mornings happier.
  • I need to put some serious legwork into figuring out an alternative career path; one that makes me excited and engaged.
  • Life is meant to be an adventure in finding our own true happiness while helping others where we can.

Last month was a time of reflection for me and I’m feeling more content. In the past two weeks, I’ve adjusted some things and set some new goals, which I’ll post soon.

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